[Jikan IC Inbox][un: redwine]

[judgementor]

"Leave a message. If it's important, I'll get back to you."

*beep*

Comments

[judgementor]

If you believe me to be a good person, then that's enough for me.

[ilqaras]

Of course I believe you're a good person. You've done nothing but prove that point. Again, I'm sure you would not have answered my message in the middle of the night in favour of more sleep if you weren't.

[judgementor]

I wouldn't answer just anyone in the middle of the night.

[ilqaras]

Oh? And what makes me so special?

[judgementor]

I actually give a damn about you.

[ilqaras]

[it's a handful of minutes before Dohalim answers back, as if trying to figure out what to say]

I suppose me telling you how to feel about me otherwise won't be acceptable.

[judgementor]

You can try it but I think we both know I'm not going to listen to you.

[ilqaras]

Are you sure I cannot convince you? A shame, really. I was hoping I could save you from the disappointment.

[judgementor]

What disappointment would that be?

[ilqaras]

The disappointment of realising the time and effort spent on me will be ill spent at the end of the day.

[judgementor]

It's incredibly annoying when you do that.

[ilqaras]

Forgive me. What little verbal filter I have usually is virtually nonexistent at night, it seems.

[judgementor]

I don't mind your self-deprecation. I know why you do it.

What I mind is the assumption that I'm going to suddenly realise the time I've spent on you, and how I feel for you, are of no value.

I'm not certain if you believe there's no value in those things, or are just waiting for me to reach that conclusion because you think you're a terrible person who doesn't deserve positive attention.

Which isn't true, by the way.

[ilqaras]

[well, this definitely wasn't a conversation he wanted to have when he's already sleep deprived but here they are]

Again, forgive me. It was a thought I should not have voiced out into the open. Or at all.

[judgementor]

But you did, sweetheart.

And so, as you say, here we are.

[ilqaras]

Yes, unfortunately. This was not how I wanted this conversation to be navigated to.

[judgementor]

How would you have preferred to navigate to 'I'm just waiting for you to realise I'm a waste of your time'?

[ilqaras]

Well, the easiest way would be to accept it and move on.

[judgementor]

I find the idea you even consider I might have done that to be insulting.

Let me ask you this.

If I were to tell you I don't believe myself worth knowing and I'm waiting for your inevitable disappointment when you realise it, what would you think?

[ilqaras]

I would think you're being ridiculous.

And, while seeing your point, is a lot different than convincing myself that what you're saying is the truth.

[judgementor]

Naturally you would, which is why I won't say it.

And I'll repeat this as many times as necessary - I don't spend time on people I don't think are worth it.

[ilqaras]

Infallible logic. I only wish I could believe it for myself.

And there I go again. Perhaps the lack of sleep really is affecting me more than I'd originally let on.

[judgementor]

Do you need company?

[ilqaras]

I wouldn't mind it, but it's also very late at night. I couldn't possibly ask you to indulge me.

[judgementor]

Yes, you could.